No-one’s going to see this, so I’m just gonna go ahead and offload in a way I can’t do on facebook.
I’m a fucking moron, noone hates me more than I hate myself and the people who don’t see it just don’t understand.
I’m rambling a bit; I suppose I should go back a bit. I was fat. No, really, proper fucking lard ass. Not in a ‘Oh no, I’ve gone from size 8 to 10, my life is over’ way, in a proper, ‘Holy fuck look at then state of that fat bastard and her pies’ fat. In the last 8 months, I’ve managed to lose some weight so I’m not such a fat bastard.
It makes no difference though. I’m a doormat, I give people everything, I put myself out for other people all the time and I’m not just saying that in an ‘I’m such a martyr’ sort of way, I genuinely put other people before myself all the time, because I’m worthless.
My whole life is just confirmation after confirmation of the fact that noone will ever put me first, or look at me past someone else, or see me as important.
I try and act like it doesn’t bother me, and to some extent it doesn’t, because that’s what I’m used to, I’m used to being second best, I’m used to being overlooked, that’s my life, but now and again, I think, why doesn’t someone put me first? But I know why, I’m not worth it, I know that, I should really just go ahead and be done with it all.